within those 3 years ive grown a lot. as a person, a woman, a christian. it was a good journey. it seemed that God just waited for me to ripen and be ready for a good harvest. he gave me my 'isaac' back. (read the first few entries 3 years ago) what a wonderful gift.
it is surreal, that i met my husband online. the same boy i fell in love with 3 years ago is now a man, who pursued and hunted me. how could i say no? i fell in love with him even more. and this time, i know in my heart he is mine. and i gave my heart to him.
it is a romantic fairy tale. but life is not a fairy tale. in fact, its far from it. theres no magic and instant solutions. life is about hoping and having faith. a lot of waiting. im a married woman now. most of the entries in this blog is from a single woman, wondering what married life would be. a woman desiring a relationship from God. a woman who became desperate then regained hope. now, she is thankful and happy to be married.
but life does not end by saying 'i dos'. theres more challenge now. i feel that im constantly attacked in my brain. stupid thoughts that affect my relationship with my husband. i feel that im being bullied. like a little girl in school, quiet and timid, very nice. but the same 'niceness' made her vulnerable to bullies. she is not doing anything to hurt them but nonetheless they want to hurt her. im the little girl and the devil is the bully. for a while i put up with his bullying. but not anymore. as time goes on, and the reality of married life kicks in, im learning to fight and stand up to my bullies.
i desired to be loved. and now that i have that, someone wants to take that away. the enjoyment of knowing you are loved unconditionally and the security of that. i know this is only the beginning. but im ready for the attacks. im ready to fight, and this time, im not on my own. i have my prince, my knight in shining armour to protect me in battle. and then im back to my fairy tale again.